Chemotherapy made my once semi manageable hair a dry,damaged mess. I’ve cut it to near bald, treated it, grown it out, cut it off again. I have gone with any process dyes,relaxers, etc. I have done the no shampoo, the no comb, the not hot tools. I have been vegan, I have been full carnivor. I work out or exercise pretty regularly, but nit as much as i did as a kid.
I let the images of women with long,silky curls and bottle shaped curves break me over and over again.
“Why can’t I get there?”
I lightened it to have uniform color to have a “more professional appearance” in my mind. It was a mess, I know one day it will maybe tone down with its dry frizz when I attempt to grow it out. However that time is not now, when I went for the big chop last night I was disappointed with myself.
I felt uglier, not to fit to my mental standard of beauty.
It’s not super short, an I feel naked. Exposed all my facial flaws an I speak to the public all the time. It’s uncomfortable.
Life’s not about comfort, it’s not designed to our will. I was dealt thick curly/wavy hair and until my total health starts to improve an I detox more, I doubt I will still ever get close to the hair I want.
I have got to learn to accept my appearence, before I can love my appearence. I have to learn how to be the best me regardless if I’m bald, fat, or look like a person whose been ravaged by a hurricane.
Cheers to being uncomfortable, and helping me get over why I am.